After living in Thailand for just over two years, I have picked up some very valuable life lessons. As an American, Thai culture can often times feel like everything is upside down. However, living in a different culture allows you to reflect on yourself and your own culture in a very unique way. These are some Thai ways of life that I want to continue to incorporate in my life.
Jai Yen Yen
I’ve written about heart words, and jai yen yen was on that list. But as a quick refresher, it literally translates as “cool cool heart” and essentially means, “chill out.” I don’t know that would have classified myself as high-strung before Thailand, but I was definitely, squarely in the US mindset about getting things done, deadlines, planning, getting the details right and just general stress.
Now, my heart cools me off on these 100+ degree days. Trying to get to an island for New Year’s Eve and are told that all the ferries are sold out? No problem, just go and chat up the folks on the dock and you’re on the next boat.
Have a training or camp that is a day away and nothing is quite in the right place? Don’t worry, it all gets pulled together right when it needs to be.
Traveling by bus from somewhere to anywhere, and you arrive 10 minutes after the previous bus took off? Grab some guoi dtiao and power up that Kindle or toss out your favorite conversation starter, “Have you ever seen a ghost?” and before you know it, the next bus is pulling in two hours later.
It’s About Community
Thailand is a collectivist society. When it’s rice planting season, all of the farmers come and help you with your fields and you help with theirs. Same goes for the harvest.
All the events (for which classes are often cancelled) that confuse and annoy so many volunteers – School Sports Day/Week, School District Sports Day/Week, Community Sports Day, Children’s Day, Teacher’s Day, Wan Wai Kruu, Scout Camp, random snack breaks in the teachers’ office – these are all ways that build community.
It’s frustrating and disheartening to walk into school to find that classes have been cancelled for the week because of sports competitions, which seems silly from a Western perspective. Surely some students playing tug of war is not more important than learning plurals? But that ignores the underlying significance of these events; these are ways to bring the community together, to celebrate each other, to build those connections with one another, to take pride in that community.
Many volunteers marvel at how when someone dies, the whole community comes over to the house, sets up the tables and chairs from the wat, cooks and clears dishes constantly, sits with the bereaved, shows up for the cremation ceremony – even if they didn’t know the deceased especially well. Same for weddings and monk ordinations.
But the community ties that bind in those times are tied in the events and ceremonies and holidays. Understanding community ties and cohesiveness has been a big part of living in Thailand.
If There’s a Reason to Party, Party
It’s 11 p.m. and the windows in your bedroom are rattling. Your house is quivering to the beat of the bass that is being pumped from 20 foot tall speaker walls that are actually across the street and a few houses down from you, about half a kilometer in reality.
Or, it’s 7 a.m. and a family member who lives in Bangkok is in town for the first time in a couple years, but just for the day. Fire up the karaoke machine and sing a duet!
Or, you’ve just met someone from another country and they speak your language! You’ve never met someone like that before and they seem to understand your country and culture, of which you are very proud. Insist that they sit with you at this local festival, offer them drinks and food and engage in conversation.
From what I’ve seen, there’s never not a reason to celebrate in Thailand, and who can be a grump when there’s a party going on? Enjoy yourself, enjoy what is being celebrated and enjoy the party.
Confidence Comes in Many Forms
Whenever I go to the market with my co-teacher, I rarely leave with exactly and only what I went for. She is constantly walking up to the produce sellers, snack sellers and asking for tastes and samples. She’ll share it with me and inevitably, I buy something that I was not intending on buying.
Scroll through her Facebook pictures, and there are a number of selfies declaring that she feels beautiful. However, compliment her on her English skills (they truly are a cut above the rest), and she demurs, saying, “Really? I know myself and I know I am not good.”
Or a student, jumping into an English song competition, up on stage attempting to sing a song he’s only practiced for two days, failing to make it through the first verse at all, but dancing and smiling the whole time.
Confidence is something that can be culturally determined, but you can bet that I’m taking more selfies now than ever, because hey, why shouldn’t I think I’m good looking enough to document.
Smile or Fake It ‘Til You Make It
Thailand is known as the Land of Smiles. Now whether that is because the language pulls your mouth back, Thai culture is inherently non-confrontational or Thais are an especially happy people is up for debate. But one thing is certain, I have certainly gained the trust and respect and gotten strangers to open up to a conversation with me by simply smiling.
I’ve also gotten away with a lot more things simply by holding a smile the entire time, such as bargaining. There was the time I was telling the tuk tuk driver that his price was way too expensive and that he’s crazy with a big ol’ grin plastered on my face. I’ve also done much better when arguing for the Thai price that I’m entitled to. I was grinning from ear to ear, telling the museum entrance woman in Thai that the law says that if I have a work permit I am entitled to the Thai price as she responds to me in English, then finally relents.
A smile goes a long way in resolving tense situations here, as most public negative emotions are entirely unacceptable and you will only embarrass yourself. A smile has also gotten me through more conversations than I can count.
Living in an area where on a good day I understand 60% of the local dialect is rough. But a smile makes it easier for me and gives a pause for laughs every time I nod along, and they turn to me and I just say, “Mai khao jai!” *yim!* (“I don’t understand!” *smile!*).
Any trip to Thailand is going to have it’s frustrations – late buses, confusing directions, gruff sounding English (it’s just because it was directly translated), being illiterate. In those moments, take a deep breath, find the nearest person, make eye contact and smile. I promise your day will get better.