Way back in February 2012, I had my initial interview for the Peace Corps. I remember being asked about a multitude of things, but one question I remember distinctly asked me what I thought I would struggle with the most if I were to go on to serve. My response was gender roles.
Growing Up with Strong Female Role Models
I have memories of my mother, who worked for the county doing air quality control, stopping on the side of the road to tell a man that he needed a permit for some machine that was spewing black smoke all over the place. When he replied with something along the lines of “Who do you think you are?” she told them exactly who she was and that she would bring in whatever county authority she needed if he wouldn’t listen. He turned it off and we went home.
I’ve heard a repeated story about my grandma always out to “beat the boys.” My other grandma was a nurse before retiring. She once told me a story about how she got pulled over for speeding to work one early, early morning and how she argued with the officer trying to get out of the ticket because she there was an emergency at the hospital and that was why she was speeding. When he still gave her the ticket, she responded, “I hope I never see you in the emergency room.”
I grew up surrounded by some sassy, strong women and I’ve definitely continued to push that even further than they have. So, yes, living in a culture that has strong, traditional gender roles would be and is a challenge for me.
Examples of Gendered Expectations in Thailand
Here in Thailand, the youngest woman is expected to serve everyone else. At mealtimes, she is the one that puts the rice on everyone’s plate, puts ice in everyone’s glass and pours their drinks. She then keeps an eye on these things for the rest of the meal in case anyone needs a refill or seconds.
At large gatherings, such as weddings or funerals, the men sit and drink whiskey while the women cook and prepare the food, serve it to all of the guests, clear the dishes and then wash the dishes. Not to mention that these events are not small, close family affairs; these are things that the entire village and community is invited to and participates in.
It’s expected of Thai students to do a lot of the janitorial work at the schools, such as sweeping, dusting, taking out the trash. For the most part, it is the female students that take care of these tasks. More often I see the boys goofing off while the girls lower their bodies as they scurry past me to enter the classroom and sweep.
When I went to move a bookshelf, which I am perfectly capable of doing by myself, I was told “Mai bpen rai,” “Don’t worry!” and two male students were instructed to do it for me. There are boxes of milk that are delivered to the school some of which get distributed to the preschool and kindergarten classrooms. It was all boy students doing the moving of the boxes, even though there were also female students along for the delivery ride.
At the last training and English camp that I did, my co-teacher said that some of the teachers wanted to finish early. I asked why and she said because they said they had laundry to do. I asked, don’t they have husbands or children that can help them with that? To which she replied, “That is the work for the woman.”
One of my students participated in the English competition, memorizing a speech about herself for the impromptu speech competition. She would practice reciting it to me and she would talk about all of the housework that she does at home, from helping to clean the house to cooking breakfast and dinner to doing the dishes to helping in the garden, on top of doing her homework. I asked her one time what her brother does to help out at home, too? She gave me a blank stare (and not because she didn’t understand me.)
My Experiences
When I answered that question last year in my interview, I didn’t truly know how perplexing the issue would truly be to me. I try to find my own ways to break the gender roles and empower the girls that teach, but I also know that I’m not going to change Thailand. And it’s a little disheartening to me to see these behaviors being fostered and encouraged among the youth.
Update: I’ve expanded a bit on gender roles in Thailand, particularly as sexuality comes into place.
Idolina Doyka October 2, 2013
This is a very interesting concept, Christine. I appreciate the time you’ve taken to not only make these observations/connections, but to also share them with those of us back home. It truly puts societal and cultural differences into perspective. You’re right- you may not be able to change Thailand, but you certainly can leave some sort of impact on the youth that you are working with.
Christine October 2, 2013
Of course! Sometimes Peace Corps Thailand gets a reputation of Posh Corps, with the idea that we have it easy because it more developed or because we can go to world class travel destinations easily. But I think that the cultural differences that we face here in Thailand are just as hard, if not harder, than having to walk half a kilometer to get your water everyday.
Char J. Stoever October 22, 2015
As a public school teacher in Nicaragua, I have seen similar parallels between your experience and mine. The girls are usually the ones sweeping the classroom while the boys goof off. Also, when we ask students about their “daily tasks” in English class, a vast majority of the girls end up helping clean the house, while the boys are playing.
It’s not uncommon to see groups of boys, young men, grown men, and old men, sitting on a curb, just watching people go by and catcalling women. Are catcalls a thing in Thailand? They are extremely common here and it is super frustrating to see and experience as a queer woman who doesn’t need aggressive comments from strangers commenting on her appearance.
Christine October 22, 2015
It’s interesting because this dynamic of girls generally being considered the “good” kids and boys being “bad,” it has had an effect on the closing the achievement gap significantly and most of the students in upper secondary schools and tertiary schools are women. However that hasn’t translated to more women in positions of power.
Catcalling isn’t so much a thing in Thailand; it’s much more calling out that you are a foreigner, which happens regardless of your sex or gender or gender performance. What did bother me though, was that some of the things I wore would be termed “sexy,” when they weren’t and it was assumed that I was wearing those things to attract male attention, which… no. It was definitely one of the reverse culture shock moments I had when I was visiting Chicago and a man was approached me to tell me how sexy I am and ask for my number and not one block later another man grabbed my arm to get my attention to tell me again how attractive he found me. It’s so aggressive and frustrating.
Katia September 25, 2016
Hi Christine,
Sadly, I was surprised at nothing in your post, since to me it just sounds much like the U.S.. For example– Thanksgiving in many families consists of men watching football while women cook, and later clean up after, dinner. I’ve been to homes of friends and significant others where female guests volunteer to help with the dinner more than male family members do (and have been torn as to whether I should be polite as my mother raised me, or decline to participate in these sexist family traditions). Women often come home from work to care for the home and children while their husbands get to relax after a day at the office. We have commercials like the one I saw several years ago with a woman praising her vacuum cleaner for being quiet enough that she could vacuum around her napping husband. Men are still seen as “babysitting” their own children, and a former coworker’s new baby was a month or two old before he was left alone with it for the first time. Men are often praised for doing the most minor household and childcare duties. I was sad to find I was impressed that a former coworker actually shared taking days off with his wife when the kids were sick because I saw it happen so rarely in a world where men take the minimum of time for paternity leave and are relieved to get back to work while their wives continue to stay home (were they left with a choice?). Men who don’t know me are horrified when I try to lift something (I was once warned that a *piano bench* I was about to pick up was “heavy”) and when I helped my mother move into her new apartment, we both received a lot of comments about how we were doing it ourselves without a man to help. “Potluck” at my mostly-male workplaces has usually meant “the guys got their wives to make something” and at other places, the female half of a heterosexual couple was the one who did the work.
I’ve yet to find too much culture shock as far as gender here in Thailand… though not being allowed to volunteer during a visit of the Princess because I was wearing trousers and having to wear a skirt in some temples (despite my attire of perfectly-modest trousers) is an eye-opener. Most of my worry is about encountering things I have thus far only read about, from the tendency of women to diminish themselves by using personal pronouns also used by children or to refer to themselves as a mouse/rat, or (unfortunately) the attitude of some Western men toward Western women vs. Thai women.
Christine September 26, 2016
Thank you for your thoughts, Katia. I don’t think that gender roles in the United States are perfect by any measure, but I do think that they are more progressive than they are in Thailand, and Ghana where I currently live. While the tendencies toward traditional gender roles in the US are certainly still around, in my experience, when I’ve pointed them out at my family or friend gatherings, they are often remedied with an “I didn’t notice, but you’re right.” I also grew up in a house where my dad did much of the household chores. I think that when gender roles are challenged in the US, you are much more likely to get an agreement that it’s not right and things should change, whereas in Thailand, when I challenged those roles I was told that is just not how things are in Thailand. Gender roles just aren’t as dynamic as they are in the US.
I think the other thing is that while you and your actions may actually be challenging and breaking traditional gender roles in Thailand, it is highly, highly unlikely that anyone will point it out to you. There are expectations of women in Thailand that are unspoken and to point them out as being broken would go against the value of greng jai.
Thep February 8, 2017
Just out of curiosity..where were you in Thailand? Cause I’m Thai and the things mentioned in this article are not really a thing in most places I’ve been in the country. Were you in Isaan by any chance?
Christine February 8, 2017
I did live in Isaan, but please do not think that these are only things that happen there, because I know the perception of Isaan is that it is poor and backwards. My friend who lived in the North, South, East and Central regions also experienced similar gender roles. It may be true that these gender roles are not as common in cities, but to deny that they exist outside of Isaan isn’t accurate either.
Brettany Renée Blatchley January 14, 2018
Thank you for your insights!
I came looking for a better understanding of how Thai people perceive gender and their roles…
…I have a bit of skin in this game because we have hosted three Thai foreign exchange students, and my spouse and I are both women: she is cisgender and I am transgender. In the Thai language, I am what translates into a “second type woman…”
…Our marriage is a very egalitarian one, yet because of my spouse’s chronic illness, I do much of the domestic work as well as working outside the home. Our students have seemed to have seen me as a woman (I easily pass the “duck test”) but I was still curious about how I might be perceived because they know I was birth-assigned-male, hence my interest in Thai gender roles…
Our (current ) female student says she sees me as a woman, yet asked if she could call me “Dad” (I said “yes” if that was what she needed). She met my spouse first and interacted with her for a week, before she met me when I returned from a business trip; my spouse was already “Mom” and our student felt she needed “Dad” for the family to be “complete” (even though she acknowledges that I am not like a man).
…After reading this and other articles, I can understand why things could be a bit confusing, because I mostly fit their female stereotype in a quiet, demure way (whereas my spouse is male-ish by comparison.) Both of us are recognizably women, but we also blend the gender roles and even bend them…
Maybe our students are not so representative of traditional Thai feelings on this? Their parents had the desire and ability to send their children on these adventures AND each of the parents knew we are a transgender family (and we were sought-out and chosen over other host families).
…Anyway, it’s all very interesting! Thank you again for your insights!
Blessings & Joy!!
Renée